I like the idea of the Fluid Propulsion Drive.

I have just been reading about it.

it is one of those theories that people argue about but no one knows if it will change things for the better because it has not been fully tested.

It goes a bit like this, though pardon me if I haze over the details, I am a Stage Manager not a Rocket Scientist.

There is a long tubelike space ship.
At each end is a Spaceman.

They are taking it in turns to throw a cannonball to each other.

Each time the cannon ball strikes the other end of the spaceship it moves the spaceship forward a tiny bit.

Every time the other Spaceman throws the cannon ball back it moves the space ship back again.

This is the law of action and reaction and also the rule that energy/propulsion cannot be created just by re arranging the contents of an object floating in space.

But, if the second spaceman was able to slow the cannonball down a bit on the return journey, by using a parachute or similar, the cannon ball would be striking with more force in one direction than the other.
The force with which the cannon ball was thrown would be equal at both ends but it would hit harder at one than the other.

In theory this would result in our spacecraft slowly, slowly moving through space.
As long as the Spacemen don’t get tired the spaceship could pick up quite a bit of speed too, over time.

There are arguments for and against the Fluid Propulsion Drive.
No one knows if it can be made to work or not. Not yet.

I was thinking about it today.

Actually I was thinking about Prole2’s digestive system, a topic that has often been synonymous with Fluid Propulsion of one sort of another.
Sadly he is of no interest to NASA but fortunately I find his movements fascinating.

Don’t worry, I am not going to go on about size or turgidity, I have just noticed that in this respect he seems to have rejoined the rest tot the Human race.

I mentioned elsewhere the number of times he has fallen in to the toilet.
On the one hand it is quite an achievement to fall in but when one considers the hours and hours he has spent on the toilet in the last three years the really impressive thing is that he has not fallen in more often.

He is a wriggly little thing at the best of times.
Twenty minutes in to a ‘session’ would see him crouched on the edge of the seat like a small bird, staring out the window or talking to the cat.
He played with lego, read books, drew pictures and stared slack jawed at the floor.
He often fell off as well as in.
The loo roll holder is at a funny handle as it was often the only thing to save him as he went down.
Sometimes he would un-roll all the toilet paper and then try to re-roll it again so I would not notice.

Prole2: It’s harder to get on than it is to get off.

Me: Isn’t it though?

Prole2: Yep. Tricky. Tricky.

On one occasion that I saw he spent several minutes seeing how much of his hand he could fit in his mouth.
He did this stuff every week for years.
Just sat there.

Anyway I noticed the other day he is spending much more time with us.
Which means he may be growing into his bowels at last.

Mind you this led me on to thinking about the lane on the way to school.

When we moved in to this house one of our neighbours was the father of an Artist we knew.

He was really happy to tell us all about the other neighbours and the local area.

He told us about the parking wars and the bin bag feuds and the noisy neighbours and the curtain twitchers.

He also told us that the little lane that led to the school was called “Dogshit Lane”

At first I though this was a little strong in such a lovely area but he was not wrong.

It is the single defining attribute of that lane.
There is nothing to be said about that lane and it is hard to come up with a name for it or refer to it as anything other than “That lane with all the Dogshit in”

You can’t even re name it.
Who would want a name associated with wast appears to be some kind of open sewer for canines?

The strange thing is I have never seen a dog doing a poo in that lane.


They must come in the night.
I say they, it could be one big incontinent mastiff.

The only way of processing the poo out of the lane is to wait for it to dry and blow away, wait for it to rain and hope that washes it away or wait for the school run where hundreds of small children will pick it up on their shoes and carry it away, to be worked in to the tiles in the school halls.

This natural process of poop erosion is hampered by one in every five poos being tied up in a plastic bag and left in the lane.


There is a bin.
For poo.
At the end of the lane.

What kind of a person do you have to be to do all the horrible bit and then not put it in the bin?

And they have not done it ‘to pick it up later on the way back’, some of those bag-o-poops have been there as long as I have lived here.

They have taken something disgusting and horrible and made it disgusting, horrible and un-biodegradable.

I have wondered if perhaps I could get some smooth peanut butter and warm it in a pan with some beef dripping and bovril, stir until smooth and add just enough peanut oil to make it the consistency of tooth paste.

Then I could keep it in an old ketchup bottle and whenever I pass a poop in the lane I could squirt a bit on top.

Then perhaps when the corpuscular crapper comes out as the sky gets dark it might just eat up everything it did the night before.

It is an untested theory which could change humanity forever.

Someone should look into it.

If you think it is a daft idea, all I can say is it’s better than putting dog poo in plastic bags and then not putting them in the bin.