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It is 6.59am.

6.59am is not early by reasonable standards in a house with children but early enough to matter.

It’s the extra sixty seconds that matter.

I get up every weekday morning at 6.45am.
7am on a weekend counts as a ‘lie in’ in my book.
6.59am is just unfortunate, just short of a lie in.
6.59am says “fail”.

My bed is very comfy.
We spent money we could ill afford on a memory foam mattress after Prole1 was born.
Loz had some problems with her back after the birth and I had put my back out a few years earlier in Cardiff prison.

What was I doing in Prison?
Shakespeare.
It was a good show too, the prisoners brought and energy to the thing that took me completely by surprise.
I was also taken by surprise by twisting my spine trying to catch a piece of Steel Deck that was in the process of being dropped on someone’s leg.

I was in a corridor, lying flat on my back, separated from the warders by the steel deck and fenced in with seven or eight prisoners.

If you ARE going to put your back out in similar circumstances it really helps if most of them have spent years in the gym and know exactly what to do in the event of a muscular or mild spinal trauma.

If you are going to buy a new mattress following an unfortunate prison accident then memory foam is a great material.

I also recommend buying a King Size duvet.
King size duvet on a double bed is the only way to go.

Really, I am not joking, if you have not done this already just try it.
King Size duvet on a double bed.
I cannot believe the years I wasted.

This is particularly useful if you have small children who might come in first thing in the morning and try to commandeer it.

Prole1 is burrowing under the duvet and trying to coax the cat into folowing him. This involves lifting up the duvet to create a cave which in turn exposes my toes, feet and legs to the cold morning air.
There is not much I can do about this because Prole2 is sitting on my chest and attempting to wake me by doing ‘the hedgehog’.

‘The hedgehog’ involves putting his nose and mouth as close to my ear as possible and then snuffling, sniffing, grunting and giggling into my aural canal in an impression of a hedgehog looking for slugs.
Sometimes this is charming.
Most of the time it is just a bit soggy.

Occasionally I am able to convince Prole2 to do this to other people, even complete strangers, just to spread the love a bit.

No lie in and a Prole invasion.

Me: What are you two doing?

Prole1: Nothing.

Prole2: We love you.

Me: Can you love me from a distance?

Prole1: We can’t sleep.

Prole2: Get. Up. Get. Up. Get. Up Get. Up. Get. Up…..

Me: Ok…in a minute…

Prole1: Can we have pancakes?

Prole2: Can we watch telly?

Prole1: Pancakes and telly?

Prole2: Pancakes and then telly. You go and cook the pancakes and we will stay here and play. Then you tell us when they are ready and we will eat them and then watch telly.

Prole1: Yay! Brilliant plan!

Prole2: Yay! Plan!

Me: This plan seems to involve me getting out of bed.

Prole1: I am a bit tired, maybe we will snuggle down and sleep.

I look at Prole2 who is still on my chest and trying to get his big toe into his mouth.

Me: Why don’t you watch telly now and then later I will cook you pancakes?

Prole1: Deal.

And they were gone.

It’s not a real lie in but after a few minutes I sneak downstairs and make myself a cup of tea before returning to bed for 20mins.

The clock reads 7.58 when I finally get out of bed.

This has been a good day.

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