This morning I threw back the curtains and gave a really hearty “Good morning!” to the Proles.

Prole1: MMMmmmMmmm….

Me (lifting Prole1 down from the top bunk) How are you both today?

Prole1 (Settling down on the floor amongst the lego) MMmmmmMmm…

Prole2: Look at my Bruise!

Me (carrying Prole 1 to the bathroom) That’s a big bruise, how did you get that one?

Prole2: Someone bit me at school.

Prole1: mmmmmmMMMmmm

Me (putting Prole1 down on the floor where he curls up in a tiny ball and tries to pull the bath mat over himself. I am naturally suspicious of Prole2 but decide to investigate further anyway) So. Someone at school just came up and bit you?

Prole2: No Dad, first they hit me in the tummy, then they kicked me, THEN they bit me.

Me: I see.

I didn’t see of course. Prole2 seems quite at ease with the situation however, the skin does not appear to be broken and I am not one to rock the boat.
I do a mental rundown of the characters in Prole2’s class and think through the cross references of affiliations, enmity and modus operandi, to draw up a likely suspect and series of events. 
I try to work out if there is any point taking this further. I decide not to pursue it.
Later exploration of the school bag turns up official confirmation of the event, along with a nice note from the teacher.

Me: How do you feel?

Prole2: Like weetabix.

Me: Oh.

I dig Prole1 out from under the towels he is using as bedding.

Me: What about you? What’s the matter with you?

Prol1: I have a real problem with my book. I don’t think you can just read one chapter of Harry Potter at a time.

Me: How much did you read last night?

Prole1 (sobbing) So much. So much I can’t count….